you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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