we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
