my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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