I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
