Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
