I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i think i have two assholes
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
