just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
