Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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