Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
