I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
