he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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