If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize