i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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