Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish I only lived at night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I said "one day" and that day is not today
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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