so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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