Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
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im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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