I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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