You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
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you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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