It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
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Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
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Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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