don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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