My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
