it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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