I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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