So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
