i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
