Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
