i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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