I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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