My nipple is on Facebook.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
