So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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