I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
