they need to just BURY HIM!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
