Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
