Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
