when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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