Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
