remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
