He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
