I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
