Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
All the doctor said was why
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
