We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
