I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
