im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
