What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
