What did I eat last night that was bloody?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
