I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
