That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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