so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
