And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
