my vag is so smooth its legendary
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
