That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
