I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
