you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
