Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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