im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
