K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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