oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
