I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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