so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize