wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
