just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
