Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
