Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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