The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
