Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my phone needs a breathalizer
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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