that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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