Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
high people should be assigned attendants
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
