Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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