how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
