I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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