I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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