You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
