i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
