I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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