After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
