If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
