The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.