can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.