I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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