Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
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I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
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It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared