Umm I'm too high to move.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
