he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
